searl1986 space: self-growth

工作还是考研，跳槽还是坚守..如何面对选择？[转帖]

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:17:02 GMT

许多同学应该都还记得联考前夕的焦虑：差一分可能要掉好几个志愿，甚至于一生的命运从此改观！到了大四，这种焦虑可能更强烈而复杂：到底要先当兵，就业，还是先考研究所？　
我就经常碰到学生充满焦虑的问我这些问题。可是，这些焦虑实在是莫须有的！生命是一种长期而持续的累积过程，绝不会因为单一的事件而毁了一个人的一生，也不会因为单一的事件而救了一个人的一生。属于我们该得的，迟早会得到；属于我们不该得的，即使侥幸巧取也不可能长久保有。如果我们看清这个事实，许多所谓" 人生的重大抉择 " 就可以淡然处之，根本无需焦虑。而所谓"人生的困境"，也往往当下就变得无足挂齿。　

我自己就是一个活生生的例子。从一进大学就决定不再念研究所，所以，大学四年的时间多半在念人文科学的东西。毕业后工作了几年，才决定要念研究所。硕士毕业后，立下决心：从此不再为文凭而念书。谁知道，世事难料，当了五年讲师后，我又被时势所迫，整装出国念博士。出国时，一位大学同学笑我：全班最晚念博士的都要回国了，你现在才要出去？两年后我从剑桥回来，觉得人生际遇无常，莫此为甚：一个从大一就决定再也不钻营学位的人，竟然连硕士和博士都拿到了！属于我们该得的，哪样曾经少过？而人生中该得与不该得的究竟有多少，我们又何曾知晓？从此我对际遇一事不能不更加淡然。当讲师期间，有些态度较极端的学生会当面表现出他们的不屑；从剑桥回来时，却被学生当做不得了的事看待。这种表面上的大起大落，其实都是好事者之言，完全看不到事实的真相。　从表面上看来，两年就拿到剑桥博士，这好像很了不起。但是，在这" 两年"之前我已经花整整一年，将研究主题有关的论文全部看完，并找出研究方向；而之前更已花三年时间做控制方面的研究，并且在国际著名的学术期刊中发表论文。　而从硕士毕业到拿博士，期间七年的时间我从不停止过研究与自修。所以，这个博士其实是累积了七年的成果，或者，只算我花在控制学门的时间，也至少有五年），根本也没什么好惊讶的。　
常人不从长期而持续的累积过程来看待生命因积蓄而有的成果，老爱在表面上以断裂而孤立的事件夸大议论，因此每每在平淡无奇的事件上强做悲喜。可是对我来讲，当讲师期间被学生瞧不起，以及剑桥刚回来时被同学夸大本事，都只是表象。事实是：我只在乎每天二十四小时点点滴滴的累积。拿硕士或博士只是特定时刻里这些成果累积的外在展示而已，人生命中真实的累积从不曾因这些事件而终止或加添。

常有学生满怀忧虑的问我：" 老师，我很想先当完兵，工作一两年再考研究所。这样好吗？

"很好，这样子有机会先用实务来印证学理，你念研究所时会比别人了解自己要的是什么。

""可是，我怕当完兵又工作后，会失去斗志，因此考不上研究所。　
""那你就先考研究所好了。　
""可是，假如我先念研究所，我怕自己又会像念大学时一样茫然，因此念的不甘不愿的。

""那你还是先去工作好了！　
""可是。。。。。。。　
我完全可以体会到他们的焦虑，可是却无法压抑住对于这种话的感慨。其实，说穿了他所需要的就是两年研究所加两年工作，以便加深知识的深广度和获取实务经验。先工作或先升学，表面上大相迳庭，其实骨子里的差别根本可以忽略。在" 朝三暮四"这个成语故事里，主人原本喂养猴子的橡实是"早上四颗下午三颗"，后来改为"朝三暮四"，猴子就不高兴而坚持改回到"朝四暮三" 。其实，先工作或先升学，期间差异就有如"朝三暮四"与"朝四
暮三"，原不值得计较。但是，我们经常看不到这种生命过程中长远而持续的累积，老爱将一时际遇中的小差别夸大到攸关生死的地步。最讽刺的是：当我们面对两个可能的方案，而焦虑的不知何所抉择时，通常表示这两个方案可能一样好，或者一样坏，因而实际上选择哪个都一样，唯一的差别只是先后之序而已。而且，愈是让我们焦虑得厉害的，其实差别越小，愈不值得焦虑。反而真正有明显的好坏差别时，我们轻易的就知道该怎么做了。可是我们却经常看不到长远的将来，短视的盯著两案短期内的得失：想选甲案，就舍不得乙案的好处；想选乙案，又舍不得甲案的好处。如果看得够远，人生常则八，九十，短则五，六十年，先做哪一件事又有什么关系？甚至当完兵又工作后，再花一整年准备研究所，又有什么了不起？当然，有些人还是会忧虑说：" 我当完兵又工作后，会不会因为家累或记忆力衰退而比较难考上研究所？"　

我只能这样回答："一个人考不上研究所，只有两个可能：或者他不够聪明，或者他的确够聪明。不够聪明而考不上，那也没什么好抱怨的。假如你够聪明，还考不上研究所，那只能说你的决心不够强。假如你是决心不够强，就表示你生命中还有其他的可能性，其重要程度并不下于硕士学位，而你舍不得丢下他。既然如此，考不上研究所也无须感到遗憾。不是吗？"　人生的路这么多，为什么要老斤斤计较著一个可能性？我高中最要好的朋友，一生背运：高中考两次，高一念两次，大学又考两次，甚至连机车驾照都考两次。毕业后，他告诉自己：我没有人脉，也没有学历，只能靠加倍的诚恳和努力。现在，他自己拥有一家公司，年收入数千万。一个人在升学过程中不顺利，而在事业上顺利，这是常见的事。有才华的人，不会因为被名校拒绝而连带失去他的才华，只不过要另外找适合他表现的场所而已。反过来，一个人在升学过程中太顺利，也难免因而放不下身段去创业，而只能乖乖领薪水过活。福祸如何，谁能全面知晓？

我们又有什么好得意？又有什么好忧虑？人生的得与失，有时候怎么也说不清楚，有时候却再简单不过了：我们得到平日累积的成果，而失去我们不曾努力累积的！所以重要的不是和别人比成就，而是努力去做自己想做的。功不唐捐，最后该得到的不会少你一分，不该得到的也不会多你一分。　
好像是前年的时候，我在往艺术中心的路上遇到一位高中同学。他在南加大当电机系的副教授，被清华电机聘回来开短期课程。从高中时代他就很用功，以第一志愿上台大电机后，四年都拿书卷奖，相信他在专业上的研究也已卓然有成。回想高中入学时，我们两个人的智力测验成绩分居全学年第一，第二名。可是从高一我就不曾放弃自己喜欢的文学，音乐，书法，艺术和哲学，而他却始终不曾分心，因此两个人在学术上的差距只会愈来愈远
。反过来说，这十几二十年我在人文领域所获得的满足，恐怕已远非他所能理解的了。我太太问过我，如果我肯全心专注于一个研究领域，是不是至少会赶上这位同学的成就？我不这样想，两个不同性情的人，注定要走两条不同的路。不该得的东西，我们注定是得不到的，随随便便拿两个人来比，只看到他所得到的，却看不到他所失去的，这有什么意义？　

有次清华电台访问我："老师你如何面对你人生中的困境？"我当场愣在那里，怎么样都想不出我这一生什么时候有过困境！后来仔细回想，才发现：我不是没有过困境，而是被常人当作" 困境"的境遇，我都当作一时的际遇，不曾在意过而已。刚服完兵役时，长子已出生却还找不到工作。我曾焦虑过，却又觉得迟早会有工作，报酬也不至于低的离谱，不曾太放在心上。念硕士期间，家计全靠太太的薪水，省吃俭用，对我而言又算不上困境。一
来，精神上我过的很充实，二来我知道这一切是为了让自己有机会转行去教书( 做自己想做的事)。三十一岁才要出国，而同学正要回系上任教，我很紧张(不知道剑桥要求的有多严)，却不曾丧气。因为，我知道自己过去一直很努力，也有很满意的心得和成果，只不过别人看不到而已。我没有过困境，因为我从不在乎外在的得失，也不武断的和别人比高下，而只在乎自己内在真实的累积。我没有过困境，因为我确实了解到：生命是一种长期而持续的累积过程，绝不会因为单一的事件而有剧烈的起伏。同时我也相信：属于我们该得的，迟早会得到；属于我们不该得的，即使一分也不可能加增。假如你可以持有相同的信念，那么人生于你也会是宽广而长远，没有什么了不得的" 困境"，也没有什么好焦虑的了。　

-----------------一个台湾清华大学老师

Bad Girl Bianca's Seduction Guide

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 02:15:32 GMT

Bad Girl Bianca's Seduction Guide

A. Always remember that YOU are the prize. ACT nonchalant. No matter how hot the girl is, there are plenty of others on the planet from whom you can choose. Never let a woman think for a second that you're enamored by her beauty and would do anything to be with her.

B. Be confident. Insecurity is like death when it comes to pursuing women. Never let it show that you care that much. Even if you're pacing by the phone and checking it every minute to see if she called you can bet that she's doing the same thing, so don't let it show. Ever. Seduction will make you both feel insecure, unless you take the lead.

C. Call sporadically. And keep the conversation light. DON'T BE BORING. Stay away from mundane things. She doesn't care about your landscaping job and the type of fertilizer you use. *yawn* Unsexy. An Alpha Male has an interesting life that he invites a woman into... if you don't have that, be mysterious about it.

D. Do not buy her gifts. No roses, candy, jewelry or trinkets. Save that for Christmas or her birthday. Cards are the way to go. Give her a card... preferably still in the bag.... with something funny and cute in it so that whenever she reads it, she giggles. Do not declare your undying love and affection, though saying "I love you" is a nice touch after you've both said it aloud a few times.

E. Engage in childish behavior with her. Thumb wrestling. Pillow fights. Karaoke. Tickle fests. That will take her to a time in her life when she was happy... and you will be the reciever of all of her good feelings.

F. Find other females to fill your time. Female friends are good... and they are easy to come by. If your 'certain someone' sees that other chicks dig you, she will be MORE attracted to you.

G. Get yourself some nice cologne. A man who smells good can drop panties instantly.

H. Have fun. All the time. Never talk to her about your problems early on. Keep everything upbeat and positive.

I. Interact with her like she's one of the guys. Don't let her win. Rip on her sometimes. Be unpredictable. Remember that she's not the only woman in the world.

J. Just be her friend! Women are attracted to men who enjoy their conversation. If you are friends, then she will see value in that. Especially if she's hot and gets approached all the time. Hang back and take an interest in what she's saying. She will fall for your easy style and if you can do it without drooling then you have got it made.

K. Keep her guessing. Make her miss you a little bit. It's the best gift you can give her. If you tell her you'll call her Tuesday night, send a funny text to her Tuesday afternoon. NEVER be predictable. Men in relationships ruin attraction when they get too comfortable.

L. Look for the RIGHT woman, but don't let your search be full of lonely nights. Go out, have fun, and use sensual seduction techniques on women who you have no intention of being with forever. It's practice and it makes you less insecure. It gives you an opportunity to practice the strategy without feeling rejection.

M. Make women chase you. It's not that difficult. Just don't be available all the time or show too much interest.. But when you're together, amp up the sexual chemistry. Seduction happens when you are away from a woman. You become bigger in her mind when she has time to think about you. Make yourself just scarce enough.

N. Never tell a woman who you are and what you stand for...STFU and just be it. She will know by your actions . There is nothing worse than going out with a guy who tries to sell himself to you. Real men are what they are by their actions.

O. Open up. Even if it's about something small. "I didn't call my mom on Mother's Day, but lied and said her line was busy." or "I have shaved my stomach before." Whatever. A little honesty is cool. It makes her think you can be trusted and that translates into sex/relationship. Trust is key in sensual seduction.

P. P^ssy is meant to be eaten, so EAT IT. Most women do not cum from vaginal intercourse. If you want to make her yours, when the time comes, eat that sh!t like it's Thanksgiving.

Plan to be there for 24-32 minutes unless she's warmed up. And if you're good at it, she'll be whipped. Period.

Q. Quiet mouth, open ears. Listen to what she says. Even if you zone out through most of it, pick up on the key points and bring them up later. She'll give you kudos for your skills, and seduction is all about understanding what makes this person tick. Most men in relationships don't listen... you don't have to grab every word, but paying attention is key to your seduction.

R. Read a freakin' book. And if you don't read, then be smart as hell when it comes to something! Girls want to be wow-ed by conversation. Have something intelligent to say. And if isn't intelligent, at least, let it be outrageous. Boring men/no mental stimulation = masturbation and no sex. Start a conversation and see where it goes.

S. SEXUAL TENSION is EVERYTHING! Why? Because even the ugliest men in the room create it with a little push/pull technique. Push her away, then pull her back. This is how an Alpha Male dazzles women. Read the "Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene.

T. Talk about ideas and fantasies... and be sure to pick one seemingly banal idea to plant in her head, so that every time she sees it she thinks of you. Mention you had a green Toyota in high school that cut off every time you turned it on... she'll laugh, but every time she sees a green Toyota, YOU'LL be on her mind.

U. Use jealousy...at the beginning. Yeah, sounds shady and underhanded, but if you want a chick to dig you (REALLY dig you)... then look at women when they walk by. Comment on their body parts. Talk about old girlfriends and how they were freaks in the bed. It will make her work hard to please you. Trust me.

V. Visit your Mama. If you treat your Mother with respect, your girl will love you for it and think you're one of the good guys.

W. Work on yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. If you want someone to love you, you have to love yourself first. It's ridiculous to think that someone will want you if you don't love you. Find all of your flaws and accept them. Take some time to get to know you... and be joyful. Then and only then will you find someone who's worthy of your love.

X. Xanadu begins with you. Let her know that when she's with you, life is fun, beautiful, content, drama and responsiblity free.

Y. "Yes", should be used sparingly. Stand up for yourself. BE A MAN!!! If you don't agree with her, let her know. If you don't want to, let her know. If you can't, tell her. But make sure you do tell her "yes" when she's doing the right thing in thebedroom. She'll dig that.

Z. Zodiac should be considered before any relationship. Really, I have proof. :-) If she's a cancer and you're an aries, you'll make better friends than lovers. But if you're both water signs or fire signs, then get ready for some fun. Plus, seduction is all about knowing your target. You have to step into her universe, so consult the stars.

The First Phone Call After You Get Her Number

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 01:49:36 GMT

(The First Phone Call After You Get Her Number)

I’m terribly disappointed by the men I’ve met lately who don’t know how to call a woman. They have no purpose or aim and are just calling because they ‘got the number’. Yuck. Follow these steps before a woman pulls a fade-away or banishes you to the Friend Zone.

1. Gentleman, the REASON for the first phone call is to set up a meeting. Remember that.

Get to know her better by being her lover… not just her friend. Face-to-face is much more intimate.

You want to get to know her better and possibly become her “lover”. Your lover is not someone with whom you have idle chit-chat on the phone while playing Wii… well, not until MUCH later. The lovin’ part of “lover” usually happens face-to-face, on a living room couch, or in a bedroom (or a local park if you’re feeling particularly adventurous ;-) ).

2. Keep the first phone call brief.

When I say brief, I mean 5-10 minutes. Setting up a get together shouldn’t take longer than that.

3. Make her laugh!

Steer clear of topics like your *yawn* job… And your equally *yawn* family. BOOO-ring. Have something funny to say. Tell her something odd that happened to you that day… or tease her about the way she looked REALLY excited when you told her (yes, TOLD her) to give you her phone number. :-) Light-hearted conversation will entice her and make her WANT to spend time with you.

4. Silence your fear of rejection and take a huge risk!

Tell her that you want to see her on __(whenever is convenient for YOU)___ and then SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

Do not add “or whenever is good for you” or “if that works with your schedule.” In fact, do not even ask for her schedule first! If she wants to go out with you SHE will offer an alternative time/day if the date/time you suggested doesn’t work for her.

You just have to remember to close your mouth after you say it… and she will do the rest.

5. Have an idea of where you want to go.

Think about the conversation that you had with her when you first met. Did she mention any clues about her personality? Did she say that she enjoyed something? What was she wearing? Were you in a book store when you met? Or was it a nightclub?

Think about the details and try to figure her out a bit. In order to do that you should listen more than you talk.

And if she didn’t give you any clues when you first met her, then have 2 really interesting/nice/relaxed places in mind. Some date ideas that make her think “Hmmm, that sounds like a cool place to go.”

6. Become an attractive person before you try to attract someone.

If you have no clue how that’s done, then visit FirstLoveYou.com for more information from Bad Girl Bianca's Seduction Guide for Men.

转载:男人的多情和女人的绝情

Thu, 29 May 2008 01:11:29 GMT

曾有人说过：男人是多情和长情的。而女人则是专情与绝情。男人可以在他已和一个喜欢的人在一起的时候，在他的心里说不定还有一个或更多的“她”存在。因为他多情。男人可以在多年以后心中还在掂记着他的女朋友现在过得是否安好。因为他长情。女人却不一样。当她和一个喜欢的人在一起的时候，她所想的就是他，她所做的也就是为了他。这时，即使有一个比现在的更好的男人出现，她也不会放弃他的。因为她的专情。而当她决定放弃他的时候，那就是说一切都没有余地了。因为她绝情。男人，天生就是多情的。只是，他会对某一个人最长情。但这个人成为他妻子的可能性几乎为零。女人，天生就是专情的。只是，她会对某一个人最绝情。但这个人成为她的仇人的可能性几乎是零。男人和女人真的很不一样。当男人知道以前的女朋友现在过得不好，他会去安慰她，而当女人知道以前的男朋友现在过得不好时，大部分肯定不会去安慰他。女人不明白怎么男人可以有这么多的心去记着那么多的情。而男人不明白怎么女人可以这么决心的忘了一段情。就好比，男人和男人之间爱搭肩膀以示友好，而女人和女人之间则爱手拉着手以示友好。相对来说，男人在开心和不开心的时候都喜欢大笑。而女人呢，在开心的时候她会开怀而笑，在伤心的时候她会伤心的痛哭。男子汉，流血不流泪。女人呢？如果她在伤心的时候还满面笑容的话，那别人肯定会以为她有问题了。一个女人要决心和你分手的时候，你就不要妄想可以再把她的人和心留下。一个女人是不会轻易的把分手二字说出口的。但，一个男人说要和你分后的时候，你还可以努力一把，说不定你们还会有机会。很简单。就是多情和长情，专情与绝情之分。在一个女人全身心的投入到一段感情中去的时候，那她的心是牢不可破的。但一个男人全身心投入到一段感情中去的时候，却还是可以有间隙让另一个她有机可乘。世间情为哪般?一切都只是为了那让人牵挂一生的情。难怪有人说过：情是世上伤人最深的武器！

把学英语融入紧张的生活中

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 04:49:14 GMT

懂得爱上英语，但找不到时间来学习英语？调查指出，80%以上的白领都报名学过英语，但真正坚持下来的恐怕连一半也没有，最普遍的借口就是“工作忙，没时间”。现在我就要向你揭示把英语学习融入紧张生活中的独门秘方！学好英语不用脱产！对公私两忙的你来说，这不是天大的好消息吗？只要你运用以下的八大金科玉律，不论你有多忙碌也可以把英语融入你忙碌的生活中。

	Study in short doses （每天都学习一阵子）
其实坚持每天学习一段短的时间，学习效果远比一个星期一口气学习几个小时高。这意味着你不需要一下子花大量的时间来学习，每天大概只要20分钟，就可以轻松达到理想的效果。

	Choose a flexible course （选择一个灵活的课程）
即使你已经决心花上大量时间来学习，你还得懂得选择一个合理安排你的学习计划和紧贴你进度的课程。当然灵活度才是关键。就比方说英孚，在英孚你能够随时随地的学习，一天24小时，时时刻刻都是你的个人英语课。

	Find a study partner （找一个学习的伙伴）
虽然说跟外籍老师练习口语是最直接有效的方法，但是在日常的生活中，你也能够抓紧时间跟朋友在午饭后或者闲来聊天的时候练习口语，只要你们用英语来聊。

	Make flashcards （制造单词卡）
其实坚持每天学习一段短的时间，学习效果远比一个星期一口气学习几个小时高。这意味着你不需要一下子花大量的时间来学习，每天大概只要20分钟，就可以轻松达到理想的效果。

	Use your downtime to practice （抓紧你的空闲时间来学习）
在汽车上听听英语录音带，在休息时间读读英文书，或者在公车上复习单词卡等，都是上下班的路程上学习英语的好方法。

	Use the shower （沐浴英语中）
每天洗澡的时间正是你单独练习口语或者用英语回顾一天所有活动的好时机，何不好好利用这独处的时光，沐浴在英语中呢？口语是学习语言的最重要一环。开口朗读对加强口语作用很大，不过别在洗澡的时候拿本书出来朗读，除非你读的是防水的书本。

	Review before bedtime （跟英语说晚安）
在睡觉前花一点时间来复习重要的学习内容。研究指出，大脑在睡眠的时间才可以更有效地处理最新的信息。

	Don't get discouraged （不要气馁）
有时候，你觉得自己的英语好像在原地踏步，别气馁，其实你已经在不知不觉中进步了，所以，千万不要放弃，因为，我敢保证你最终的收获一定很丰富。

what am I

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:03:15 GMT

I am the wind， the gentle wind； I am the clouds， the slow， drifting clouds； I am the water， the silent water； I am the mountains， the boundless mountains…
If you so want， I will be the gentle wind that will wrap around your lonely spirit！ If you so desire， I will be the slow， drifting clouds that will unquestioningly be your support！ If you so wish， I will be that silent water， without a murmur， protecting you by your side. If you so will， I will love you unrelentingly， just like those boundless， unbroken mountain ranges and valleys！

But， I regret I am not the wind and not able to take care of you. I hate that I am not the clouds and not able to bring you warmth； I pity myself that I am not the water and not able to be so pure； I am angry that I am not the mountains and not able to have my love will be as immovable as I would like.

I can only be myself this time， my mortal， earthly self， my only self， the only self that I can ever hope to be. I thirst for love but I do not understand her deep mystery. I strive for transcendence but I would rather be silent and nameless. I want to be mature but I would rather remain innocent. I would like that she love me， but I do not know even if I truly love her！Endless searching， thirsting， striving， pursuing-where are my goals？ Where is my future？ In this mundane world，

I am one lonely speck； in this universe I am a powerless particle of dust. My love， thought beautiful， is nothing great in itself.

And so， I ask only to live as well as I can. In truth， there is no need to live one‘s life basking in glory， rising above men—— so long as one’s life has some value， has some security… Fearless and capricious， love will cause me great pain. Youth， transient and inconstant， will bring me loneliness. Work， busy and mindless， will make me lost. I am just searching for and waiting for some of that which shines， that which is radiant in life…

The Magic of Solitude

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:44:59 GMT

The Magic of Solitude
By: Brian Tracy

The greatest men and women of all ages have practiced solitude regularly. They learned how to use silence to still their minds and tap into their superconscious powers for answers to their questions.

In this newsletter, you learn how you can apply this wonderful technique immediately to improve the quality of your inner and outer life.

The Magic of Solitude
Your feelings, your emotions, are the access point to your inner powers of mind. The most important part in the process of getting in touch with your feelings is to begin to practice solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most powerful activity in which you can engage. Men and women who practice it correctly and on a regular basis never fail to be amazed at the difference it makes in their lives.

Most people have never practiced solitude. Most people have never sat down quietly by themselves for any period of time in their entire lives. Most people are so busy being busy, doing something-even watching television-that it's highly unusual for them to simply sit, deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become great when they begin to take time quietly by themselves, when they begin to practice solitude." And here's the method you can use.

From jet-setter to everlasting love, achieve it all, just by simplifying your life.

Do you ever wonder how successful people always seem to get so much done, but also have time to do the things they love? Do you often wonder "how do they do it?"

Now imagine yourself living the life YOU'VE always dreamed of; stress free and truly happy.

This dream, can become a reality, and it's as simple as removing the clutter from your life and taking control!

To get the full benefit of your periods of solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to 60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so for you to stop fidgeting and moving around. You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.

Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly still, back and head erect, eyes open, without cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.

Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply. Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try to think about anything. The harder you "don't try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or 25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed. You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body.

You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At this point, you'll be ready to get the full benefit of these moments of contemplation.

The River of Ideas
The incredible thing about solitude is that if it is done correctly, it works just about 100 percent of the time. While you're sitting there, a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through your mind. You'll think about countless subjects in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice.

At a certain stage during your period of solitude, the answers to the most pressing difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and clearly, like a boat putting gently to the side of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment.

Trusting Yourself
When you emerge from this period of quiet, you must do exactly what has come to you. It may involve dealing with a human situation. It may involve starting something or quitting something. Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that you received in solitude, it will turn out to be exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be OK. And it will usually work out far better than you could have imagined. Just try it and see.

You must learn to trust yourself. You must develop the habit of listening to yourself and then acting on the guidance you receive.

Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, select a specific time and place to sit quietly and practice one full hour of solitude. Don't put it off.

Second, take small periods of silence and solitude during the day, especially when you feel overwhelmed with problems or responsibilities.

Third, take action immediately on the ideas and insights you receive while in solitude. One good idea can save you months and years of hard work. The key is trust.